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Roses are red, violets are blue, here is my poop

Have you ever been so mad that you took the time to mail actual shit to someone? No? Well thanks to you can now have a box of fresh animal shit sent directly to anyone’s door worldwide without getting your hands dirty.

But why?

“It’s a marketing test to prove that people will even buy a shit in a box,” said Peter, CEO of Shitexpress. “It was a ridiculous idea, but we just tried it. In these days you are able to start a business in a few hours…and you’ll know very quickly whether it was a good idea or nobody cares about it.”

The ordering process is simple. Choose your animal turd, enclose a message, choose the packaging, pay €12.95 with bitcoin or paypal, and let deliver the goods. Peter’s favorite message so far: the romantic “roses are red, violets are blue, here is my poop.”

Who would pay almost €13 for a piece of animal feces?

Almost 500 people so far it turns out. And Shitexpress enters the burgeoning poop-delivery market in competition with and, who both do exactly what you think they do, albeit with a traditional credit card ordering system.

Shitexpress’ angle is that it allows its users to anonymously ship excrement without leaving a paper trail. “We protect the buyer’s identity by not putting his name on the box, and he can also hide himself by paying with bitcoin,” explained Peter.

Shitexpress seems popular, but it’s not just the media that’s baffled by this popularity. In the words of the company’s own CEO: “I was surprised some people take this service so seriously.”

By Graham Dockery


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